"Break's Over"
by wordshiv

She sucked in one last drag off her cigarette. She held it in, listening to the crisp stillness of the Denny's parking lot. Slowly, she pushed out the smoke and flicked away the butt, sending it dancing across the asphalt. Darkness swallowed the red ember.

She looked up into the vast infinity of night.

"Why here? Why now?" she wondered. The moon either didn't know or didn't care.

She stood up, brushed her apron down, and paused at the door.

This will be the last sliver of peace tonight before the herd of drunken asses bellowed in.

Written over 1 year ago
Tags break 3am cigarette Denny's

4 Notes

Samiam over 1 year ago

I worked in restaurants for years, and I know this scene well. So funny that such a mundane occurrence can be so sodden with existential angst. "[B]efore the herd of drunken asses bellowed in"--tasty wording. One nitpicky thing: do you push out smoke?

wordshiv responded over 1 year ago

Thanks.

Well, yes, I did pick "push" deliberately. You kinda do when you have a lung full of smoke and you let your diaphragm shove it all out at once. Kinda like a sigh.

Barry over 1 year ago

This brings me back, but I'm pulled into modern times as the waitress is smoking outside instead of indoors. :)

I find the "Why here? Why now?" question a bit off-putting. Isn't this waitress used to this by now? She can't be questioning the bar crowd? In any case, I don't envy her position!

Great story. Do keep them coming, wordshiv.

wordshiv responded over 1 year ago

Well, the question was a bit more of her asking to herself about her position in life. The bar crowd was more of an afterthought to her, just one more thing that sticks in her craw about her job.
Sure it may seem like modern times with her smoking outside than inside :) but this was her escape, her moment of quiet respite that she can't get any other time.

Nate over 1 year ago

It feels like you're using the title of the story as the first line of the story, like off-stage dialogue from the manager. Kudos for finding a way to push two more words into a 100-word story! :)

I wonder if using "restuarant's" instead of Denny's would make the story more universal.

Nitpicky: It's unclear to me if she's wondering aloud or in her mind.

wordshiv responded over 1 year ago

I used Denny's in specific as it's a place most people are familiar with that's open 24 hours. You think IHOP is more recognizable?

Nate over 1 year ago

It's not that Denny's isn't recognizable, I just wonder if "restaurant" is more universal. Then again, I usually tell people I like when their writing is specific, so I could be wrong.

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