Back from the fight
by mattliadan

Well wishers and family finally dismissed, I rested my duffel bag against the wall and opened the door to Lily's room, trying not to make a sound. Her curly hair fell in unruly heaps around her head, the reddish-gold highlights reflecting the light from the tiny crack in the door. Just like her mother, she slept with her knees tucked close to her chest and whistled softly through shallow breaths. She was a tiny baby the last time I saw her - and today when she saw me, she saw a stranger. I wish she were wrong.

Written over 1 year ago
Tags 3am

3 Notes

wordshiv over 1 year ago

I like the forlorn feeling of the father trying to make a failed connection. But just to make some things clearer for me: The title and the subsequent duffel bag reference made me think of the character as a prizefighter. But would he be gone so long that he would miss his daughter growing up? Especially when the title just refers to a single bout, apparently. A just-sprung prisoner would be more obvious, but then again, well, that's maybe too obvious...

mattliadan responded over 1 year ago

I had envisioned a recently returned serviceman in this case.

Nate over 1 year ago

I agree with wordshiv that the identity of the narrator isn't clear (I hadn't considered either identity until reading your and his notes). I like the details the narrator notices and how they're mixed with his emotional reflection.

mattliadan responded over 1 year ago

Yeah, I am struggling to do exposition and create a scene in 100 words.

Nate over 1 year ago

It's interesting, isn't it, how carefully one has to choose their words when challenged to use so few. Thanks for writing!

mattliadan responded over 1 year ago

Probably proof that the carbon footprint of my written word is far too large. It's fun, though. It's a good exercise in only a few minutes.

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