Scrawlers

The worst thing anyone could ever do to me is call me Gooses. When I was younger a boy named Chuck Taylor called me Loose Goose. My friends picked up a similar pet name thereafter, Gooses Looses.

This was before any sexual connotation, but regardless, the idea of a loose goose made me think of my grandmother's arms wiggling.

If I could do one thing, it would be go back to the day Looses Gooses was born and punch that Taylor in his face.

Then he'd know what a loose goose can really do.

The worst thing anyone could ever do to me is call me Gooses. When I was younger a boy named Chuck Taylor called me Loose Goose. My friends picked up a similar pet name thereafter, Gooses Looses.

This was before any sexual connotation, but regardless, the idea of a loose goose made me think of my grandmother's arms wiggling.

If I could do one thing, it would be go back to the day Looses Gooses was born and punch that Taylor in his face.

Then he'd know what a loose goose can really do.

Dear Sandor,

Thank you for your beautiful pictures. They were appreciated. I am not sure what to say other than that. Since it happened I feel lost. I've felt alone before but that feeling is now an exquisite explosion. All that is left is the unsettling dust. I am sure you would have something nice to say were you here, but you are not, and neither is he. Just being in this house is painful and the loose ends seem more and more frayed every minute they linger. Someone is at the door. I must go.

Sincerely,
Mark

Anaconda.

Pile Driver.

Joystick.

Love Shack Ram-Rod.

Subway Footlong.

Bazooka Joe.

Porn-Worthy.

Monster of the Deep.

Breakfast Burrito.

Stroke of Good Luck.

Joe the Plumber.

Action Jackson.

Midnight Express.

Rosey Riveter.

Pocket Picker.

Magic Johnson.

The Spermina--"Hold it right there, buddy!"

"Yes, you! You're coming with us. And cover yourself. OK, Rick, we got the mall-flasher! Fuckin' pervert!"

"Aw cookies!", Sharon said as she tried to clarify what it was about the man on the TV that bugged her. Was it the hair? The flashing polka-dot bow tie. Or was it that this oversized mustache that passed for a man was mooning over the quality of his wife’s breasts?

Just then Sharon's eyes blurred. The mustache became a horse galloping through a star-filled sky. She could feel the huffing beast between her legs and she could see Auriga the Charioteer beckoning downward into the night sky.

As her vision cleared she thought, the mustache, definitely the mustache.

Before them, an ocean…no let’s call it a sea…before them a sea. One says to the other this should be in color. The other says I love your neck, the shape of your neck, where it meets your shoulder. I could see the whole world resting my head there. One says this sea is still, flat. The other says when you are lying down on your side I trace the soft curves of your body as slowly as I can. One says the water is warm. The other says yes it is. It is warm.

"Aw cookies!", Sharon said as she tried to clarify what it was about the man on the TV that bugged her. Was it the hair? The flashing polka-dot bow tie. Or was it that this oversized mustache that passed for a man was mooning over the quality of his wife’s breasts?

Just then Sharon's eyes blurred. The mustache became a horse galloping through a star-filled sky. She could feel the huffing beast between her legs and she could see Auriga the Charioteer beckoning downward into the night sky.

As her vision cleared she thought, the mustache, definitely the mustache.

Meow, I said.

My bowl is empty, but my Human isn't filling it.

Meow, I said again. Meow.

I go into my bedroom, and hop onto my bed.

Meow. My Human still is not moving. Meow. Why won't he get up? Can't he see that I'm hungry?

Meow! My Human grunts and waves his arm aimlessly. He says something I can't understand. Maybe He just has trouble hearing me. Meow! I say with emphasis in His ear. With a single shove, I'm forced off my bed.

Fine. I'll just pee in His shoes.

"Bingo!"

"All right, folks, hold your cards. Janey, pass your card up to your mother," I said, keeping my eyes on the road. "Does it check out, honey?"

"B, a rest area exit sign. I, a horse. N, a homemade graduation party sign with balloons. G, an 'Adopt a Highway' sign. O, a dead turtle." My wife smiled and said, "We've got a bingo!"

The other kids cheered and cleared their cards.

"Congratulations, Janey," I said, "What's your prize?"

"That we never play this stupid game again."

My wife said it first. "Get out of the car, Janey."

When the flowers from my father's funeral died, I threw away the dirt and dried-up leaves and roots and used the empty pots to collect other things over time. One pot I filled with paper clips. Another I filled with half-used rolls of tape. The big green one held pennies. A pink one with a daisy painted on it collected fishing lures. I filled fifty-five pots with all sorts of stuff.

A year after the funeral, I had a garage sale and sold all of the things I'd collected.
I used the empty pots to start over.